Well, Blast. This is not what I thought I would be doing.
I walked out of the local Public Health building with a small bump on my forearm. I hate needles and I hate unnecessary needles more. The Tuberculosis test bled a bit as I opened my car door and ordered mini poodle Perry to move from my driver’s seat to his travel crate. I plopped in my seat and stared at the rain rivulets chasing one another down the window.
Lord?
I have to work at not being frustrated these days. All that we have been doing and want to do is in flux. I am also in flux. It seems that transitions take the thing I hate to give.
Time.
I was not feeling like the epitome of a good Christian leader at the moment. Rather, I felt like a child promised a trip to Disneyland that had been put off until summer. I tried not to pout. I wanted to cross my arms, give a loud harumph and stick out my bottom lip.
But I am too old to do such things. Instead, I dropped my forehead to the steering wheel and fought the tightness in my gut and the doubt trying to eat into my brain. Faith is sometimes a brutal battle.
Lord?
I bit both lips together and remained perfectly still. I realize my experience hearing God’s voice is limited to my own ears, but I have never heard him while running around trying to get stuff done. I concentrated on breathing and waited.
Trust Me.
Uhhhhh. That was simple, but simply not enough for me. I wanted a documented explanation complete with appendices that would answer one overarching question: “What the heck?”
I have been doing my part. I have done as directed by the consensus of God’s group of people. I have prayed. I have trusted.
And we are still waiting for that property to either be a yes or a no. Donors, sellers, and leadership meetings have been done, and now, we wait to see what God leads each to do. Well, what he leads donors and sellers to do. Leadership is fully aware of what God wants us to do.
Trust Me.
Trust You? Have I not proven that I do? Have I made some mistake? Am I guilty of some misdeed? Did I get something wrong? Why is this not clearly moving forward? Is there some other thing you want? Have we missed something important? Are you mad at us? Are we stupid? Are we completely out of our minds to think this might work? Each question grew louder and more absurd, razoring through my desperate attempt to hold on to my faith.
Trust.
Easy to say. Ding dang hard to do.
I wiped a drop of blood from the small lump on my left forearm. TB tests are required if one wishes to do some work within a public educational system. The wait on ministry property, connected to the trust, requires a bit of creativity. I am going to help in an unexpected place while we wait on the Lord for an expected end. We are also doing spiritual and ministry classes in unexpected places as well as coaching and pastoral counseling. This waiting on a physical property has not stopped us from doing what we do for those who need it.
Trust brings us to unexpected places, doesn’t it?
I raised my head and started the car. I had to get back to my computer so that I could work on completing curriculum for a new set of ministry certification courses. I shook off the questions eating at my trust. God is the master of time, and he will accomplish this His way. I will not get an appendicised document from him, for trust will not grow in the face of knowing the future. Trust is built on remembering how someone has acted in the past. It is a result of experiences in which a need or promise has been met. Trust in God grows each time we experience His faithfulness.
I have experienced his faithfulness for 40 years. So, when He says,
Trust Me,
I will say,
Okay.
In the meantime, we keep working toward what He has asked us to do, though to our surprise, we are doing it in unexpected ways and unexpected places.
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