She was trying to be brave. It was important to her that I believe she really did not care about what he did to her. Somehow, when we are in a place of wounding, admitting it feels like a weakness.
It's not.
She told me she did not care that he was talking about her in ways utterly opposite of what he had said only a week ago. His promised never ending devotion had given way to malignant spewing of utter dishonesty. It was rancid. She tipped her head back with a flip of lovely blonde hair.
I don’t care what he thinks. I told him I would not tolerate his behavior. I deserve to be treated with kindness and love. He was mean. He had to go.
True.
Well, except that first part.
She did care. I saw it in the mist that snuck into her eyes when she told me how he was telling people she is an awful person; a woman who cheats; a gold digger; angry; evil; a liar~and the list goes on. She has yet to learn that those who deny their own vileness will project it upon anyone who calls them out for it. She had, for the first time, faced a person who was too self-absorbed to love anyone but his own ego. All his feigned love, ethics and morality dissipated when he was held accountable for behavior that reflected none of those assertions. Some people refuse to look in the mirror. Rather, they simply throw rocks through it hoping it will shatter and stab the one with the courage to hold it up.
But I digress.
She didn’t want to care. She wanted to walk away from his meanness as though there is no pain in venomous cruelty. I understand that well. The same thing happened to me last July. Promises of godliness and care turned to rage and wickedness in a matter of moments. Healthy boundary making only increased the cruelty and necessitated a safe distance. Then, the lies, accusations and vile cruelty commenced. Only a refusal to respond to the biting attacks ended the poison.
I didn’t want to care either.
But that is not how the heart and mind work. Caring about someone, for the healthy person, does not just vaporize. Care is an emotion that is very much in the image of God. Caring about others is the essence of who He is, and who He made us to be.
Mistreatment; the denying of love when it has been claimed; cruel words; all of the things done by a person who turns back on their words, is brutality to the heart that has chosen love.
We must admit that fact to get through the cruelty, forgive, let go, and move on.
I took her by the hand and squeezed her a bit.
Then I told her my story. Wiping tears that still fall sometimes when I think of the ferocity that came so unexpectedly against the real love in my heart, I let her see that she was not alone. Like her, I had chosen not to retaliate. Children of God have no need to do so. God declares He will take care of it. That is His word to those in relationship with Him. He will be sure the truth always comes out. It’s only a matter of time. Vindication is sure. But, still, the tears fall.
She took a deep breath and pursed her lips as the air within squeaked out of tight chested lungs. In the presence of another’s pain, she was safe to let her own tears slide down disappointed cheeks. She held my hand for a long time and said nothing while they pooled at the base of her throat.
Cruel hateful determination to destroy came from someone who had feigned forever love. I don’t know anything that betrays the heart more deeply or wounds it more profoundly. There are simply no words to make it go away. I didn’t give her platitudes or even say I understood. I just sat there while she hurt; and I hurt too.
Sometimes, healing comes from holding another hurter’s hand.
Come. We have what you need.
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