The kitchen is peppered with taped boxes. Packing was easy. Before I moved up here, I felt led to sell everything that was not nailed down or necessary for life. I arrived with about 35 boxes, a bed, my wooden rocking chair and three decorative tables. Everything that made the cut was for the kitchen or my bedroom. When I arrived, it took me about 4 hours to unpack all my personal belongings.
Everything else was already in the house.
Tomorrow, I will load those same few belongings into a couple of trucks and a horse trailer. I will drive out the way I came. With little possessions and big faith.
I lifted my tea laden travel cup and looked down at the dark liquid. I had already taken the coffee and creamer to my new dwelling. Tea is wonderful, but I longed for a strong, cream lightened coffee to strengthen my resolve.
Resolve? Yes.
The questions are many and answers are few. People don’t understand stuff like this. Mostly, I don’t either. But as a minister, these kinds of questions come to me often. This time, though, they are all about my own journey.
Penni, I thought God brought you here to build a ministry. I did too. Then, why are you leaving? Because I can’t stay. Insurance denial and a house for sale by the owner shut down the possibility.
Penni, you gave up everything to come here, everything! I did. What are you going to do? How will you live? You don’t even have furniture. I do too. I have a bedroom and a kitchen. The rest is superfluous. I am going to stay with my girl while the details of the ministry and my future come together. You know what she needed in her mostly furnished, just purchased home? She needed a kitchen. She needs a bedroom. I am bringing both.
Penni, why would God move you up to Adin only to turn around and move you back down to the valley? I belong to God. He saved me from my own wickedness and from those who would destroy me. He gave me life and love and a hope for a future; and he will one day take me to heaven. I could do none of those things by myself. He did what it took to make sure I had them. He bought my life with his own. He sacrificed everything for me. His purchase of my life means He owns it. He is my boss. I do what he says. I don’t demand my way and I do not dare behave as if I can understand His way. For heaven’s sake! He is God. I am not. He knows everything—every possibility, every outcome, every detail. He knows all hearts and minds and every action every person will ever take. I follow His direction. Period. After all he has done for me, it is the least I can do.
Hang on! Don't click out because I went all Christian! Keep reading, because I have something to tell you.
Before you dismiss me because of my faith in God, remember, there are reasons you do all that you do. If you don’t follow the God I serve, your decisions are your own and the responsibility and outcome falls squarely on your shoulders. I respect your right to bear your life alone. I would fight for your right to do as you see fit. God insists that we have personal autonomy. It’s a nonnegotiable gift of his love.
However, He offers us the choice of letting him bear it. He made a way for us to be at peace with our Maker; to be free of the guilt of our wrongdoings; to get permanent healing from the wounds inflicted upon us by ourselves and others; and eventually, an eternal life lived in a place of perfection. The price? He wants us to let him be boss in our lives. He is a good boss with good intentions and a determination to get us the good things He wants us to have, so surrender to Him is not a problem for me.
But he never promises it won’t be hard or confusing at times. He will allow stuff like this to help us learn trust in his goodness. I admit, it can be a wild ride full of difficult questions. I also admit I have been doing this for 40 years and I know in the end it will turn out for my good and his glory. It won’t happen in a way I can imagine. But I know for sure that He will be sure we all know He is the One who did it. That is how glory is assigned—it comes to the one who has the most power.
Penni. are you excited about the new place? Are you going to go there? I am not overly emotional about the possibility. I don’t know if it’s the right place. I am hopeful. God. knows. I will meet with them and see.
Penni, how will you survive financially in all this? The same way you do. God will provide.
Oh? You don’t think God gave you the job and the money you have?
Oh, Dear One. It is His kindness that put you where you are and gave you all you have. He is good to all. Everyone experiences His kindness in their circumstances. He is the Sovereign Ruler of the universe. You are in the universe…so…. Your success is His gift. So will be mine.
I believe He has great purpose in this move. It is yet to be seen what that purpose is. However, if I am going to trust him, to let him be boss, then I don’t have to know yet. Not having answers is no reason to give up on God. They will come. In time. We leave here knowing He is guiding, and we will end up somewhere better. Where that place is, we will discover in the process.
Until then, I have a bed to take apart before tomorrow comes and the people helping me move pull their trucks up to the sidewalk.
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